So......I'm not really a philosopher at all. I look too much at small details, and wind up missing the big picture. But since I am privileged enough to have life, I might as well think about it a little!
So, my meandering thought was this. If you've ever bought a puzzle at a garage sale, half the time you find yourself with 998 pieces of the promised 1000, or a half the cat from the picture on the box (doesn't matter which half) and the bonneted head of a leering gorilla. Things don't fit, and you wonder why you spent a whole $1.50 for a great disappointment....you could have gone to In-N-Out and had animal fries.
Last semester was like a second hand puzzle. All my mind's pieces were jumbled and confused, and I was beginning to wonder why I ever thought teaching would be a good thing. I considered my attitude and fears, and was looking at my choices as big disappointments. Pieces of my heart seemed missing; the pictures I had in my mind of the superwoman I wanted to be here weren't matching the mixed up images I construed from who I have really been. If you think a cat butt with the face of a baby gorilla is funky, try reconciling the differences between my ideals and reality! When I was asked whether or not I would stay another year, I wanted to flush the puzzle altogether. Well, maybe not quite that dramatic, but I was thinking it was time for a new start.
Then this last weekend, through prayer and the amazing grace of God through the unknowing words of His people (He knew, they didn't really know how much their words meant to me), it was like the pieces started to shift and reshape into a picture I could see. When my worldview was so focused around me trying to do everything my way or fix things the way I thought they should be, it was a mess. But God helped me see how I had lost my passion for Him and His work; that this experience is not about me, but about Him working through me to love and help shape the lives of young women who are so precious to Him. The bigger picture of a beautiful puzzle--the many pieces in the heart of our Father--unfolded in new ways. The puzzle is complete in Him, but I am daily being shown new aspects I had not recognized before.
Interesting: where we see only second-hand puzzles, God sees a chance to make the scattered heart whole.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
You certainly have a vivid imagination! Cat butts and all! I would have to agree that animal fries would be better than 1000 word piece puzzles any day of the week.
Teaching - from my limited experience - does seem scary at times and frustrating. Actually, thinking about teaching for a year in China sounded really scary as I lay my head on my pillow last night. Hopefully, it is just the "butterfly's", you know?
Good to hear from you! Keep in touch!
Post a Comment